To the best of my knowledge:|
— Not all city snow removal is created equal. A couple of local outposts apparently believe that if God put it there, God will take it away.
— No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.
— There are three levels of pain. 1. Pain. 2. Pain so bad you ask for your mother. 3. Pain of stepping on a Lego or stubbing your toe on an Isabel Bloom statue in the middle of the night.
— Cities — are you listening, Davenport? — should stay out of the gambling business.
— It's not being lazy, it's being selective in one's participation.
— If they made it illegal to drive in the passing lane and not pass, 97 percent of the state of Iowa would be under arrest.
— Sixty-five should be the new 50 for those of us who like the boss we work for.
— Cordova has become the drama capital of the world. Apparently I'm the only one who has always had a good time in C-town.
— Six inches is NOT a lot of snow.
— The girl who got away is better than one who won't go away (shared with me by a local problem-solving, coffee-drinking group).
— The Flu Season Fist-Bump is a perfect winter replacement for the handshake.
— Florida in the 60s is better than home in the 20s. As you read this, I am up to my ears in white sand, spring training and Wolfgang Puck sesame chicken.
— Not even millions made and a couple of Oscars can buy Ben Affleck a good hairpiece.
— There's not much better than responding to a three-page, drawn-out, detailed-oriented text with a "K."
— You can build all the Titanics you want. Last time I looked, they still made icebergs.
— Standing next to a plowed snowdrift in a Galesburg parking lot will not make a weather-related TV report look any more dramatic. We know it snowed.
— You are more likely to die on the way to buying a lottery ticket than you are to win the lottery. You also have a great chance of being behind the dude who wants two dozen Powerball combinations when all you want to purchase is a soda.
— Just because I don't like the "Twilight" saga doesn't mean I don't get it. I get it; I just don't like it.
— We don't like or trust North Korea, so we send them Dennis Rodman? I hope the entire country thinks we all are just like him.
— Big-box shops have a place in our world, but there MUST be a place for the independent who knows his or her customers by name.
Columnist John Marx can be reached at (309) 757-8388 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Matherville, IL Details
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