To the best of my knowledge:|
* If you don't want a woman to find something, just put it in her purse.
* When they offer us "instant credit", don't they mean "instant debt"?
* My fitness goal is to weigh what I put on my new driver's license.
* A group of coffeehouse Einsteins say: "Politicians divide their time between running for office and running for cover.''
* With great power comes a great electric bill.
* The results are in: 3 a.m. is officially the best time to make decisions you'll regret later.
* There should be a constitutional law banning the use of "K'' in a text response instead "OK.'' Is it so hard to put the O in front of the K?
* Another 70 cents lower and a gallon of gas will be where it should cost.
* If you want to shock the clothing store cashier, pay cash. I thought her jaw was going to hit the floor.
* You never want to be stuck at the quiet end of the table at a dinner party. It's like having to eat at the kids' table at Thanksgiving.
* You must never play hide-n-seek with the police.
* The best thing to happen to the Quad City Mallards' franchise is coach Terry Ruskowski.
* As I climb the ladder of the success, the rest of the world is using an escalator.
* My childhood kid's menu featured two choices: Take it or leave it.
* We don't care that Kim and Kanye got engaged or that Bruce Jenner wasn't invited.
* Obamacare ... I got nothin'.
* Happy Wok-SouthPark rocks.
* If the kitchen smells warm and cozy it means I am not in my kitchen.
* Everyone has a friend who thinks they are Google.
* By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.
* Speeding-ticket hawking police officers aside, Coal Valley's always happening.
* You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy a boney box from Jim's Rib Haven, a turkey dinner at Diane DeBord's and the Sunday buffet from Adolph's Taco House.
* It's time to save SouthPark Mall or take the shovel and dig its final resting place. There's too much good there for it to just fade into the sunset.
* The genius in charge of all frontage roads on the south side of John Deere Road should have his or her drawing board taken away. You get car dealerships and big box stores to invest in Moline and and make it an off-road obstacle course to get to them.
* All mothers have intuition. Great mothers have radar.
* Someone needs to tell winter I did not get a sufficient fall.
* Taylor Ridge is a town as smooth as a baby's backside.
* People can only take so much road construction at one time.
Columnist John Marx can be reached at 309-757-8388 or Jmarx@qconline.com
Milan, IL Details
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