Posted Online: Feb. 21, 2013, 6:20 pm
Gasp! It snows during Midwest winter
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By John Marx, email@example.com
To the best of my knowledge:
** It snowed. It's the Midwest. It's Friday. We have moved on despite being trampled with Armageddon-like nonsense from television stations the last 24 hours.
** Mirrors don't lie. And thank goodness they don't laugh.
** If the sermon's going to be 20 minutes and you don't want me looking at the inside of my eyelids, then it had better make sense.
** Silence is the best answer to a stupid question. Why make it worse?
** It's a pretty boring sports winter if you spend two weeks making a fuss over Michael Jordan's 50th birthday.
** Miss Vickies sea salt and vinegar potato chips are the greatest chips on the planet.
** Never allow friends to bust out their wedding videos, especially if they got married when the macarena was popular.
** Social networking in my day was called playing outside, brought on by your mother telling you to get out of her house.
** One's level of maturity depends greatly on the company we keep. Look around; makes sense, doesn't it?
** I'm four boxes in and the Girl Scout "thin'' mints aren't working.
** No matter what color is on the outside, it's still chocolate on the inside of an M&M, right? And the colors are just for show?
** You don't join in if someone else is singing a song, especially if it's a guy.
** A restaurant that holds your evening reservation for 15 minutes on a Friday or Saturday is DOING YOU A FAVOR. Be there on time or don't make the reservation.
** Lance Armstrong is going as a seven-time Tour de France winner next Halloween (shared with me by a local coffee group/world-problem-solving organization).
** A night with the Quad City Mallards is a good time. Here's hoping the club can find solid footing and stay for a while.
** Everyone loves a good political joke until it gets elected (from the coffee group/world problem-solving organization) .
** I'd rather have a text telling me the voice mail someone left was worth listening to.
** All the meteor thing confirmed was that nothing is pretty about Russia.
** The rumor that the Pope is using retirement talk so he can negotiate a bigger and better contract is not true (told to me as I'm walking into church last Saturday).
** It is downright insane to rush the field or the floor after your team wins the game. Every college should be fined $100,000 each time it happens. Take a page from the Moline High School staff on how to handle basketball games before, during and after.
** There's someone out there stuck in traffic on their way to a gym to ride a stationary bike.
** Someone needs to make an app to remind you each time your wife gets a haircut.
Columnist John Marx can be reached at (309) 757-8388 or firstname.lastname@example.org.